I found that Becky Bailey's book, "Easy to Love; Difficult to Discipline" really met my need for for respect for, and love of, the child while still emphasizing the necessary role adult influence plays in parenting; Her approach bridges my Attachment Parenting inclination and my appreciation of positive communication with the importance of parent as model and guide
I have read a couple of reviews on the book which criticized the author for being condescending (not to mention the sin of all parenting-advice sins-- childless). Personally, I always take what I need and leave the rest.
What I liked about Bailey's book was the emphasis on looking at the foundation for loving guidance which she calls the "the powers of self-control" and which include things like awareness, love, acceptance, and intention. Once we start with our own self-awareness of increase our own powers of self-control then we have the foundation for what Bailey calls the "Discipline Skills" (including empathy, the offering of choices, and encouragement). The ultimate intention is to model and teach the values of respect, compassion and responsibility.
The one caveat on this book is that Bailey's focus on loving guidance underlines the view that the parent has a responsibility to set limits, which will not fit, philosophically, for some.